I embarked on a first date a few days ago with somebody I'd been casually emailing for up to 4 weeks or so. It was all anonymous apart from the very last second when i felt that without any contact details it would be difficult if either of us were delayed for any reason to inform the other. So I offered up my number.. this was me exposing myself post psychopath, so I was a little tentative.. unnecessarily i think. Luckily he promptly responded with his.
Well, lets got through some suggested rules from a variety of websites, and how our date fared according to these;
1. Do not talk about any of your personal problems. This is not appropriate with someone you hardly know. Don Diebel: First Date Rules
I completely agree as I find this really off putting. I'd been speaking to someone else I'd met through match who hinted several times that he was having personal, financial and such problems which was affecting some things. He didn't go into detail. I didn't ask, yet it sounded like he wanted to offload. Its fine to have problems. Heck.. its weird if you don't. But its always too early to share! Going back to my date, I don't think any real problems were revealed, except for a nice mutual discussion about eczema flare ups in this freezing weather.
2. Be curious about her (/him) - Askmen.com
Thought we both expressed equal curiosity in each other. There were no long one sided monologues..
3. Be Punctual
I've been somewhat earlier than my dates on all of them so far, which is unusual for me because I tend to leave it about 10-15 minutes late. Despite me being earlier than my date, he still arrived 5 minutes early, so there were no real issues there. Punctuality is essential. Appropriate excuses including transport delay which is fairly acceptable unless they were part of planned engineering works. It is always important to inform beforehand.
4. DON'T talk about your ex. - Marie Claire
Well, no exes per se were discussed, however unfortunately I did give him a brief insight into who I'd actually met on match.com which probably wasn't a great idea as I sounded like a veteran dater.. which i probably am turning into. I've learnt from my previous dating experiences as to not talk about your heartbreak in previous relationships.. at least until you can see yourself with this guy for longer than a month!!
5. DO talk about religion and politics. - Marie Claire again
Well, I didn't bring up politics specifically, but religion always comes hand in hand. It started when I described my mum's religion and then began to explore his beliefs on such. I believe he found this discussion a bit too heavy, especially in his post-meal mode. Perhaps not such a good idea.
7. Eye contact is crucial, and it's good etiquette to give your date as much of your attention as possible. They should feel like they are the only person in the room. Do not use a date as an excuse for general partying.- Top Dating Tips
Eye contact maintained throughout. Felt very comfortable. Did not feel like I was partying. When communicating with anybody, whether at work, in the street, so forth I always practice the art of eye contact because it is sincere, you appear to be more honest and genuine. People who do not maintain eye contact (alike dropped guy), may have something to hide..
8. First Dates Should Be Affordable - About.Com
In contrast to a guy offering me fine dining and SaTC shopping as the first date (I declined), I'm always up for a laid back, get to know you session. I was given the option of choosing a location and I chose somewhere central, vaguely trendy, but still fairly affordable. Affordability is essentially for the man's benefit.. as the rule has been since the beginning of time is that men always pay for the first date. I was really uncomfortable with this rule and still feel a bit fidgity when the bill arrives, yet i just do not comment until he pays and then thank him. The note is, its expected, acceptable, and does not make you a tightwad.. I'm not too clear on what the rules are for the second date are however... I was going out with a guy earlier this year who seemed relatively comfortable paying for most things including champagne, etc, until after about two months he blew up at me about how I expected him to pay for most things when i was aware of his poor financial state. I was particularly upset about this as he was quite a bit older than me and it was his responsibility to say otherwise! Not mine!
So back to my date.. it was all paid for. Few drinks, then a meal. I was sweetly appreciative. In fact I think one would be offended if it wasn't paid for by the man. I'm not sure what happens in homosexual encounters.. someone enlighten me??
9. Plan to keep the first date short. Little Red Rails
Well, I never book myself to do anything after a date as you never know how it will fare. If it is going badly, there are several plausible excuses you can use. As long as you don't reveal to your date prior to the date itself that you're completely open til whenever time, however you can do this during the date if you feel its going well.
I expressed this to my date after an hour or so, but after saying so I realised that it seemed like i was perhaps too available and expecting to stay out all night. Luckily the date lasted approximately 4 hours which was fairly respectable. Perhaps not that short, yet I still felt within my comfort zone.
10. Always open the door for your female date, men!! - Nevaeh Charlie
Guys.. if you ever remember one thing.. always offer to open the door for your date! Its traditional and respected and you can never go wrong. Don't overdo it.. just be natural. Its worse when you DON'T do it. My date didn't on several occasions, and neither did my previous one. Yes I know its 21st century, but its a big black mark in my book. Simply courtesy marks the beginning of most healthy relationships.
Well, in general. My date went well. Almost textbook. And he even mailed me the next day, but with not much mention on whether he enjoyed his date or not which is slightly peculiar. We shall see...
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